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Give Me 5 Minutes, and I'll Help You Bounce Back!

8/23/2011

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An Interview with Judy H. Wright, Empowerment Coach and author of
Out of Balance? Be a Bounce Back Person 

 http://www.bouncebackperson.com     
 
Welcome Judy, can you tell us why you decided to write this particular book?

          I have been a life educator and speaker for 25 years. It has been my honor to work with families and individuals who have gone through some pretty negative situations.  As we connected and shared stories, it was apparent that some people are able to bounce back easier than others.

            Resiliency is a life skill and like all life skills it can be taught. It is just like riding a bike or paddling a kayak. First, we watch how others might do it, try it for ourselves and maybe fail the first time or two. But, then we gradually get the idea and the flow of how to balance and correct when we start to go the wrong way.

            If you remember trying to master bike riding, it was easier with someone to support and encourage you.  You, yourself, had to practice endlessly, but following a plan made it easier to succeed.
 
What do you hope people get from reading your book?
 
            Readers will gain an understanding of the power of negative mind chatter.  It is so important to realize that what we think about we bring about, not only situations but other people. They will recognize when they are overwhelmed and how to step back from a situation and get perspective.
 
            It is my fondest wish that they will be empowered by love, support, courage and determination.  The goal of producing  Out of Balance? Be a Bounce Back Person is to encourage new ways to establish and maintain resiliency and a flow, rather than being overwhelmed by adversity.
 
The book contains insights and lessons on the six areas of life; Family & Home, Social & Friends, Money & Career, Spiritual & Ethical, Emotions & Mental, Physical and Health.
 
Do you feel optimistic about the future?
Yes, I do.  Shifts in time, money, energy are all happening at lightning speed, but I have confidence in the resiliency of those who can bounce back. When times are tough, it is easy to get discouraged and depressed.  But, this is a great time to be alive.  Tough times teach people to be self-reliant and think of new ways to increase the income and decrease the outgo.

 The “Baby Boomers” will be okay because they were taught by their parents who lived through a depression.  Generation X may have a more difficult time because theirs was an age of entitlement.  But I have great hope for the new kids that are being born now.  They are more open to new ideas, accepting of all people and technology savvy.
Many of the children being born now are called “Indigo children” and are born technologically savvy and ready to lead.
 
 If you had to come up with a name for the next chapter of your own life what would it be? Tell us about it.
 
I have spent a lifetime gathering experiences and wisdom and I am grateful to be in a position to share guidance with others.  Writing in my little home office in Montana is a dream comes true.  It is exactly as fulfilling as I had hoped it would be.
  
Tell us about Artichoke Press

Artichoke Press is an e-learning company specializing in personal growth, empowerment and transformation for an online global community. 

The Website is http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Products include tele-seminars, books, cd and video products as well as live presentations and personal mentoring sessions. The income stream is 75% passive and 25% active.

Clients are those who wish to bring spiritual and emotional values and skills into all relationships, both personal and professional. They are ready to pay for someone or something to solve their pain and problems.  They are ready to change and are searching for the vehicle which will help them transform to a higher level of life.
The leader is Judy Helm Wright, author and keynote speaker on empowerment issues. She is an author of over 20 books and many articles on personal growth and self-improvement.

The team is composed of professionals who resonate with the message of respect and kindness for all.

Why the “Auntie Artichoke”
Auntie is an honorary title given by indigenous people to wise women who love unconditionally. The artichoke is my logo because it reminds us to peel off the layers in order to find the heart of the story.
 

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About the Author

My name is Judy Helm Wright and I live here with my husband, Dwain and our spoiled dog, Rosie. This is the chosen spot where we raised our family and have been active in the community for many years. We have six wonderful adult children and ten really wonderful grandchildren scattered all over the country.

I have written many, many books and articles and spoken all over the world about finding the heart of the story in the journey of life. However, my proudest accomplishment is that my family members like themselves and each other. We have all had our personal struggles and road blocks, but it is inspiring to see them overcome adversity, change behavior and to be open to new opportunities that come to them.

Please think of me as an approachable neighbor, or, kind and caring auntie that you have turned to for advice. "Auntie" is an honorary title given to wise women who love unconditionally. 

I have been called Auntie Artichoke, the story- telling trainer, because I use stories and real experiences of success and sadness in my own life to teach others.

I am anxious to hear your story of authenticity in stepping into your own light and confidence. Please sign up for a free 15 minute coaching session at 

http://www.EmpowermentWithJudy.com 

You will be glad you did. 

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke

photo credit: barbourians

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How To Stay Strong Emotionally

6/26/2011

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Have you ever mastered a skill?

 Like riding a bike, fixing a computer, becoming a great runner?  You may have many talents and abilities, such as managing academic facts, or details about your areas of passion. However, it may be more of a challenge to deal with learning from and managing your personal emotional states.

In this article, I am going to share some social solutions for staying emotionally strong and resilient, adapted from Dr. Lovett's book, Solutions for Adults With Asperger's Syndrome.

1. Decide it is important to understand and manage your emotions. It's just like lifting weights or getting in physical shape for a sport: if you don't commit the time and effort needed, it just won't happen!

In case you are wondering whether it's worth it to learn emotional mastery, here are a couple of quotes:

"Interpersonal communication and other so-called soft skills are what corporate recruiters crave most but find most elusive in M.B.A. graduates," says the WSJ. "The major business schools produce graduates with analytical horsepower and solid command of the basics -- finance, marketing and strategy. But soft skills such as communication, leadership and a team mentality sometimes receive cursory treatment." -- Wall Street Journal

"Comparing the three domains, I found that for jobs of all kinds, emotional competencies were twice as prevalent among distinguishing competencies as were technical skills and purely cognitive abilities combined. In general the higher a position in an organization, the more EI mattered: for individuals in leadership positions, 85 percent of their competencies were in the EI domain." -- Daniel Goleman

2. Find someone you respect--someone whom you feel handles emotions well--and use that person as a role model. People on the autism spectrum can be very good at imitating and acting. Work on this as if you working on being an actor in a play, and hopefully it will begin coming more easily to you, like learning another language.

3. Find a feelings chart! One of the struggles that I used to have in terms of becoming more emotionally flexible and 'people smart' was even being able to identify what I was feeling, as opposed to 'good' or 'bad.' By developing a wide variety of labels for your emotions, you will be more sophisticated on feeling in control of your emotions, instead of vice versa. I would suggest doing an internet search for 'feelings chart,' and seeing what you come up with.

Once you get the feelings chart, study the different expressions. Take time at different times during the day to stop and ask yourself what you are feeling in terms of your emotions. Ask people who are emotional role models to identify how they are feeling, so that you can hear how they are identifying, labeling, and processing their emotions.

4. Look around you at what is going on. Pay attention to try to see if there is a link between the situation and what you are feeling. For example, a very obvious example would be if you are driving along, and someone swerves and almost hits your car. You find yourself feeling flushed, heart pumping, hands clenched on the steering wheel: and you're scared and angry.

5. Keep a thoughts and feelings journal. One of the best books I have found in terms of linking how you think with how you feel is the Thoughts and Feelings Workbook, by McKay, Fanning and Davis. I highly recommend that you get and study this workbook.

6. It may help to have a friend or family member that you can talk to when you are upset. Sometimes, it may be helpful to give yourself time alone, or to walk off the steam when you are upset. Remember, staying emotionally strong is a journey of a lifetime. Just do a little bit each day, and you will grow stronger daily in this area.

photo credit: RightIndex

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/4318532 (I'm the author :)

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Discover The Secret Power of Resilience

8/12/2010

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photo credit: Angle Oak Tree: Bruce Tuton: Flickr
This is a guest post I wrote for Jonathan Wells, owner of an excellent blog called Advanced Life Skills.I highly encourage you to stop by his blog for regular encouragement on living life to the fullest.













“The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It’s the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.” -Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)

As much as we love smooth waters, an Arab proverb states that smooth waters do not make skillful sailors. In this journey called life, the question is not, “Will storms arise?” Rather, the question is, “When will the next 
storm arise?” And even more important than that question is, “What type of person will I be when the next storm arises?” Advanced life skills are needed to navigate these sometimes treacherous waters.   

As I was pondering the topic of skillful sailing, I thought about a book I read a while ago. The name of the book is 
The Resilient Self: How Survivor’s of Troubled Families Rise Above Adversity (Villard, 1993). For too long, an impression that many have had of psychologists is that they tell people to ruminate on their past, blame others, and live as victims, without ever rising above adversity. Unfortunately, the argument of insanity or of an abusive background would be used to condone criminal acts. This is an extreme perception, but the truth is that the study of people who have come through adversity with key strengths has given us insight into some advanced life skills we can harness as we face adversity on a daily basis.

The study of 
resilience has identified us to some of these advanced life skills that I’m going to introduce to you. Think on these resilience factors so that can be ready to successfully navigate the next storm in your life.

Insight   The skill here is in learning to ask tough questions and to give honest answers. It’s about asking yourself hard questions — about your strengths and weaknesses, for example, or about the role you play in your own problems — and giving yourself honest answers. When going through hard times, the questionsyou choose to ask yourself are key to how what you will focus on and how you will handle the storm.

Here are some suggested questions to help you develop insight about your difficulties:
  • “How did I manage to get up this morning (make it to this appointment, get through yesterday, etc.)?”
  • “How I been keeping going day after day when there seems to be no hope?”
  • “How is it (“What have I done so) that things are not worse?”
  • “How come I have not given up yet? What held me? back from completely giving up?”
  • “How did you learn to cope with such an awful situation, when you were still so young? Did you have to do it all by yourself?” (for example, talking about childhood abuse/trauma)
Relationships  What is your view of people and of the world? What is your view of the future? Research into children and adults who flourished despite adversity shows the following. Relationships begin in children with contacting – making fleeting ties with others who are emotionally available. In adolescents, relationships sharpen into recruiting – the deliberate attempt to engage with adults and peers who are helpful and supportive. In adults, relationships mature into attaching – mutually gratifying personal ties that are characterized by a balance of give and take.

Application: Do not be shy about asking for help from reliable people when going through difficult times. Men, in particular, often have a difficult time expressing their emotions and being willing to ask for help. Reach out and get connected, whether that is through a church or other place of worship, a support group, or a professional counselor. Being willing to ask for help in times of adversity and diversity is a sign of health and strength. And don’t forget that cultivating those relationships during good times.

Independence  Research has shown that adults who emerged in healthy ways from distressing childhoods practiced independence as defined in the following way: they distanced themselves emotionally and physically from the sources of trouble their life. Independence begins in children with straying – wandering away when trouble is in the air. In adolescents, independence grows into emotional disengagement – detaching from troublesome situations and standing up for oneself. In adults, independence takes form in separating – taking control over the power of one’s pain.

Here are some ways to practice independence when adversity comes your way:
  • Take the time to acknowledge the pain of the adversity, but also take charge of it by distancing yourself from it. This is very different from denial, or repressing pain by pretending that it does not exist. Resilient people allow themselves to experience pain, but they share it with trusted friends, and they also do other things to distance themselves from the pain.
  • Set boundaries. Only allow yourself certain times to think about or reflect on the adversity. If you are prone to worry, schedule 15 minutes of worry time. Then, when painful feelings or worry come up, tell yourself, “I’ve got my worry time scheduled–I’ll think about it then.”
Initiative  Initiative is the ability to take charge of problems, instead of being overwhelmed by them. You must learn that if you are ever going to live long and with significance in this world, you are going to have to accept and embrace adversity as a challenge and opportunity, rather than something to be overwhelmed by. The bigger dreams and goals you have, the more adversity you can expect.

It takes a degree of mental toughness and creativity to approach the problems of living in a way that will benefit you the most. I suggest utilizing Tony Robbins’ power questions both to approach the daily hassles of living as well as the bigger crises that come into your life. Here are some of those questions:

Morning Power Questions:
  1. What am I happy about in my life now?
    What about that makes me happy? How does that make me feel?
  2. What am I excited about in my life now?
    What about that makes me excited? How does that make me feel?
  3. What am I proud about in my life now?
    What about that makes me proud? How does that make me feel?
  4. What am I grateful about in my life now?
    What about that makes me grateful? How does that make me feel?
  5. What am I enjoying in my life right now?
    What about that do I enjoy? How does that make me feel?
  6. What am I committed to in my life right now?
    What about that makes me committed? How does that make me feel?
  7. Who do I love? Who loves me?
    What about that makes me loving? How does that make me feel?
Evening power questions:
  1. What have I given today?
    In what ways have I been a giver today?
  2. What did I learn today?
  3. How has today added to the quality of my life or how can I use today as an investment in my future?
Problem solving questions:
  1. What is great about this problem?
  2. What is not perfect yet?
  3. What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it?
  4. What am I willing no longer to do in order to make it the way I want it?
  5. How can I enjoy the process while I do what is necessary to make it the way I want it?
CreativityCreativity is using the imagination in a way that, once again, helps you mobilize your resources and navigate tough situations in life. Creativity and humor are related resiliencies. One of the most helpful tools to tapping creativity during hard times is a workbook called The Artist’s Way Workbook, by Julia Cameron. It encourages the practice of freehand journaling every morning in order to tap into your inner resources. Other helpful forms of creativity may include drawing, listening to music, painting, walking in nature, and meditation. I have found that I am most creative internally when I am running out in open nature, all alone.

Humor  Humor is an offshoot of creativity. Learn not to take yourself or life too seriously! Learn to cultivate your sense of humor, because when you do, it will help you play in the midst of difficulty, shape your reality by offsetting pain, and help you laugh in the face of the absurdity of your pains and troubles. By no means do I mean that you should minimize or pretend that your troubles don’t exist. However, being able to find humor in every situation will help you cope more effectively. Learn to enjoy funny books or movies. Laugh often.

Morality and Values  This means that you have identified your core personal values, and that you are living and acting on the basis of an informed conscience. It means that you have developed a philosophy of living and a moral framework and principles for behaving and decision making. Ultimately, these values and principles will serve as roots that will give you nourishment when the storms of adversity pound against you. In the most responsible and developed stage of morality and values, we have an obligation to use our gifts and talents to serve others, even in the midst of suffering and pain. I cite some examples here: Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Jr. These are only a few examples of persons who tapped into morality and spirituality in the midst of adversity.

I hope that you will use these advanced life skills to successfully navigate the ups and downs of life, both the seemingly small, and the very big. Let me know if you have used any of this skills, whether you are using any now, and which ones you would like to develop for the future.


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How To Achieve A High Return On Adversity

6/1/2010

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When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful. ~Barbara Bloom

Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors. ~African Proverb


I am sharing this article from my other personal development blog, Personal Success Factors.

One of the most critical success factors on the road to success is resilience. According to Wikipedia, resilience is "the property of a material to absorb energy when it is deformed elastically and then, upon unloading, to have this energy recovered."

I came across this article that spoke eloquently to this key success factor. The recession has made many of us feel stretched, with higher bills, layoffs all around, shrinking 401K's, and so forth. It's at times like these, that we must take stock of all our personal assets so that we can recover a sense of abundance and prosperity even in the toughest of times.

The first way to achieve a high return on adversity is to give thanks. Make a list of things to be grateful for in your life. Instead of noticing all the material things you don't have, make a list every day of the things you do have. Get your focus off of the negative, and re-focus on the positive.

The second way to achieve a high return on adversity is to intentionally identify and practice character strengths. First, list out some key resilience character strengths in your journal: creativity, courage, kindness, persistence, optimism, gratitude, humor, spirituality. When planning out your week, put one of those virtues at the top of your list for the week, then add it to your daily list. Use that virtue/character strength as a resilience work out for the week.

For example, if humor is one of the character strengths you want to develop, look for ways each and every day to either laugh at something, find a worthwhile joke, or look for the lighter side of life.

A third way to achieve a high return on adversity is to find hope on a consistent basis. In her article on resilience, Ms. Chin quotes hope researchers Shane Lopez and C.R. Snyder, who have defined hope as our capacity to: 1) dream up goals; 2) create specific strategies for accomplishing our goals; and 3) generating and sustaining the momentum to carry out those strategies. You can actively catalyze hope daily by reviewing your dream/visions/goals, writing down your Sacred Six, and taking at least one action daily toward the achievement of your most important goals.

Create positive emotions by scheduling positive experiences. When going through adversity, our optimism quotient and levels can start running low. It's at times like these that we must "fill up the gast tank" Consider this great list of 183 different activities that you can add to your daily to do list. In fact, do this: Add one per day to your list, and take note of how you feel afterward. Another way to create positive emotion is to make a list of your favorite movies or music. Take time to listen to a powerful, uplifting song, or to watch an inspiring movie.

Achieve high return on adversity by taking care of your physical reserves. One of my goals this year, which I will achieve on June 6, 2009, is to run my first 5K. I have noticed, as I have exercised on a regular basis, that my stress levels have gone down as I have been able to release endorphins through consistent aerobic training. I am much more resilient mentally and emotionally when my body is getting the exercise it needs, particularly for someone like myself, who works at a sedentary job most of the day.

Finally, you can achieve a high return on adversity by reaching out. Reaching out means asking for help. Reaching out means being able to admit that you are struggling. Oftentimes, it gets in the way of our pride and ego to actually share how we are feeling, particularly if we are feeling down. Balance reaching out withgiving out. Give out by taking actions of selflessness toward the most important people in your life. You can also give out by serving those who are less fortunate, either through your church or through a charity.

Don't waste the opportunities that adversity brings your way. Job, a man in the Old Testament, who went through innumerable hard times spoke about God as follows: "But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold." (Job 23:10) You can meet the test of adversity and achieve a high return on adversity by giving thanks; intentionally identifying and practicing character strengths; getting into physical shape; scheduling positive experiences; and by reaching out and giving out as we relate to others.
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The Power of Negative Visualization

7/5/2009

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Norman Vincent Peale, years ago, wrote a classic called The Power of Positive Thinking.  However, what many of us do not know is that he received a stack of rejection slips from publishers.  He told his wife to throw out his manuscript.  However, she took the manuscript out the next day, took it to a publisher, it was accepted and became a foundational best seller, selling more than 20 million copies in 47 languages.

Some of his material may seem outdated today, but the truth of his writings are mirrored in what is today called the Law of Attraction.  The problem is that most of us are trapped in working for more and more and more, hard to be content with what we have achieved, since human wants tend to be insatiable.

The Stoic philosophers of old had a technique that can help you regain some of the contentment you may have been sensing lacking, as you strive for more and more in your life.  This technique can also be helpful when you experience the disappointment of a failed goal, or when you are dealing with the ebbs and flows of a depression.  In fact, Marcia Linehan, who has worked with a number of different challenging conditions, has employed this technique as a coping tool to help her clients deal with painful situations and emotions.

I am borrowing the rest of this article, verbatim, from the publication, Early to Rise:

"The technique is to spend some time each day imagining that you have lost the things you value most. Vividly imagine, for example, that your job has just been terminated, that your house - with all your possessions - has burned to the ground, that your partner has left you, or that you have lost your sight, your hearing, or the use of your limbs.


This sounds horribly bleak, I know. But the Stoics were onto something here. They understood that everything we enjoy in life is simply "on loan" to us from Fortune. Any of it - all of it - can be recalled without a moment's notice.

Epictetus reminds us, for example, that our children have been given to us "for the present, not inseparably nor forever." His advice: In the very act of kissing your child, silently reflect on the possibility that she could die tomorrow.

The Roman philosopher Seneca advises us to live each day as if it were our last, indeed as if this very moment were our last. He's not suggesting that you drop your responsibilities and squander the day in frivolous or hedonistic activities. He's encouraging you to change your state of mind.

Maybe you are already living the dream you once had for yourself.

Along the way, however, you became jaded, bored, numb to the blessings that surround you. The goal of the Stoics would be to wake you up, to make you appreciate what you have today.

Some will argue that negative visualization is fine for those who are happy, healthy, and prosperous - but how about the troubled, the less fortunate?

Negative visualization works for them, too. If you have lost your job, imagine losing your possessions. If you have lost your possessions, imagine losing the people you love. If you have lost the people you love, imagine losing your health. If you have lost your health, imagine losing your life.

There is hardly a person alive who could not be worse off. That makes it hard to imagine someone who wouldn't benefit from this technique.

Adaptation diminishes our enjoyment of the world. Negative visualization brings it back.

It also prepares us for life's inevitable setbacks. Survivors of tornados, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters, for example, may suffer terribly. Yet afterward, they often tell us that they were just sleepwalking through life before. Now, they are joyously, thankfully alive.

No one should need a catastrophe to feel this way. You can attain the same realization through negative visualization. Moreover, it can be practiced regularly, so its beneficial effects, unlike a catastrophe, can last indefinitely.

Try it and you'll see. I've found it's perfect for when you're standing in line or stuck in traffic, time that would be wasted otherwise.

By contemplating the impermanence of everything in your world, you can invest all your activities with more intensity, higher significance, greater awareness.

In sum, Norman Vincent Peale got it half-right. Positive visualization helps you get what you want. Negative visualization helps you want what you get.

[Ed. Note: Alex Green is Investment Director and Chairman of The Oxford Club, and is the bestselling author of The Secret of Shelter Island: Money and What Matters. His new book - described by Michael Masterson as "shockingly good" - explores money, meaning, and the pursuit of the good life.


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Beauty from Ashes: How to Turn Trials into A Legacy

5/17/2009

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Some people grow up in healthy families, with privileges of wealth, status, and abilities.  They make poor choices, bankrupt their families, and cause a lot of harm and suffering for their children and grandchildren.  Other people grow up in unhealthy families, with poverty, abuse, and neglect, yet go on to accomplish great things and leave an incredible legacy.  Obviously, this is not always the case, but there is an increased focus in the last years on the quality of resilience among survivors of tough backgrounds. 

By studying and learning about the traits of resilience, the ability to bounce back and flourish despite limitations and challenges, we can all improve our ability to withstand and prosper during challenging times in our own lives.

This material is summarized from Positive Psychology writer Sherri Fisher.

Here are some characteristics of resilience to study and emulate, which I am quoting from her article:

"1)      Resilient siblings of dysfunctional families withdraw from family members enmeshed in problems. In this case, only Timothy escaped the patterns which led seven other siblings (two others died in childhood) to repeat the troubled lives of the parents.

2)      Resilient people have a caring adult in their lives. This person does not have to be related to the young person. Timothy accepted charity and met a trustworthy, caring adult.

3)      Resilient people develop and value personal competence and determination. In fact, this is considered one of their most effective resources by resilient adults looking back to their at-risk childhood. Timothy made a plan to leave and did not look back.

4)      Resilient people show a strong capacity to work, even in childhood. This is a strong predictor of career success and out-predicts the negatives of poverty or a multi-problem family. Capacity to work also predicts satisfying interpersonal relationships and good mental health in adulthood. Timothy was never without work from the time he was 15 years old.

5)      Resilient people set goals for their adult life, even when they are children. They focus on career or job success, self-development and self-fulfillment. They strive for a happy marriage to a spouse who is a source of support and with whom they will have children, and aspire to owning a home. Timothy and his wife were married for 52 years, and owned several homes of increasing value during this time.

6)      Resilient people set high expectations for their children. These include school achievement, higher education attainment, happy families of their own, and the clear expectation that they will do things the right way, not the easy way. All of Timothy’s children were expected to perform well in school, acquire a post-secondary education, and marry and have families, which they did, happily.

7)      Resilient people believe that failures will happen, but that you can always try again. Note that in the language of explanatory style, resilient people are not optimists—they don’t expect good things—but they do have high self-efficacy and take a long view when bad things do occur. That long view may have resulted in Timothy’s 52-year marriage and 19-year cancer survival.

8)      Resilient people are active in community service. Timothy gave back for years and years to support youth and young adults in areas that mattered deeply to him—the military and the church.In George Vaillant’s model of adult development, Timothy successfully negotiated the “six sequential tasks.” These are:

  • Identity—separate from parents
  • Intimacy—psychologically healthy involvement with a partner
  • Career Consolidation—find work valuable to society, and both valuable and enjoyable to self
  • Generativity—broadening social circle, providing care for the next generation
  • Become Keeper of the Meaning—pass on traditions that link the past to the future
  • Integrity—achieving peace and unity with one’s self and the world."
By studying and applying these traits of resilience, we can decide to take responsibility for our life outcomes, passing on a legacy that will last beyond us.



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